I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
