pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
