K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
he quoted the bible to break up with me
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Randomize
