So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Randomize
