pedialite and red bull = repair kit
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
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