U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Randomize
