Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
Randomize
