Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
