the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize