Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Randomize