Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
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