Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
