Tell her she can't have a vagina
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
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