wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
no you cant smoke seaweed
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize