he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
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