The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
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