Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
