great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
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