I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
No awkward lesbian experiences without me
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
