he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
I got her a Nickelback box set.
I'm at about main and main street
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
