I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
