I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
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