I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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