i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
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