so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
Girls should come with a carfax report
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
