Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Randomize
