Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
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