Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
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