Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
It's like God shit irony all over that family
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Randomize
