This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
