At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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