She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
