the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
