I accidentally burped into my bong.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
