Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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