I murdered the dance floor call the cops
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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