That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
