whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize
