Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
Randomize
