just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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