You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
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