P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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