I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
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