I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Randomize
