Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize