I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
I'm sorry my penis didn't work
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
