I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Randomize
