Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
True but thats because hes a fetus.
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
