There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
