The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
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