Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
He keeps bees of course he's weird
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
