Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Randomize
