im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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