I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
Dignity is for republicans.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
