i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
