I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
Randomize