I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
