I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
