I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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