i was born a porn star she said
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
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