I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Can you repeat that, but with context?
I don't want my vagina anymore.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
