He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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