just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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