I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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