I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Randomize
