How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Randomize
