I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
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