I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
