He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
Everyone says I win the strip club
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
