Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
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