Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
